Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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