Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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