"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
