im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
