i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
