I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
