remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
