Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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