I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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