Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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