it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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