If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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