We named our party play list daddy issues
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
