OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
