I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
there is another microwave in the elevator.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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