I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
