I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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