yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize