Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
