You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
