My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
