Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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