It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
