i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
