So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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