We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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