she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
