I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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