I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
