P.S. I can't hear my feet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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