Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
