Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
