Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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