Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
