The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
