so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
