Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize