zippers are such a cool invention
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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