Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
