I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
