I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
