Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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