I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
