today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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