I accidentally had phone sex last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize