I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
