She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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