Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
