I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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