I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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