If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
