What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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