I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
