My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
