I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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