hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
