you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
