Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
