Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
