I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
