Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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