I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
