she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
