My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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