Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
