It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
