there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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