Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
