There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize